Until It's Gone
by Professors of Chaos
Summary: Don't take things for granted, they say. (Rated T because I'm paranoid). Bad summary is bad.


**Takes place after Raisins. I honestly hate Wendy as a character, I have no reason why, but she's just that one character that gets on my nerves because she's... there. Anywho, it's about taking things for granted. Either I haven't seen enough "Stendy" or I'm just a cold hearted person, but I've never seen Wendy really caring for Stan's feelings or Stan in general. Again, she's just there, but mostly as an obstacle or a problem in his life. I know they pretty much always get back together in the end (which I hate for no particular reason), but this fic goes into the territory of what if's. Meaning, what if Stan didn't forgive her and moved on? **

**Okay, I've talked on way too long now. It will take place in Wendy's POV (sorry if I write her wrong). On to the fic! **

* * *

Dear Stan,

My heart burns, the gaping hole and tattered pieces I shredded it in taking its toll. I don't know what I was thinking... I guess I wasn't. I always thought you would come back, like you always did. How you would apologize for no particular reason, I would accept, we would kiss or hug, and go on with our lives. But you didn't. You left my pathetic life completely. And I waited, and waited, and waited. Waited for you to come crawling back for me to fix again. That was how it worked.

But everything was different this time around I guess you could say. We didn't ignore each other for a long time, or get in a fight, or do anything that would lead to my situation. I just decided to "break up". I wasn't even brave enough to tell you myself and let Bebe tell him herself. And I watched as you unfolded yourself again like you always did. Mope around for a few days and not really do anything. Then Token showed up and took up the offer of asking me out.

It was against my ultimate plan, but I waved it off as a minor diversion and agreed. Don't get me wrong, Token's a nice kid and all, sweet and smart, but he surely was no you. You weren't afraid to act like a dude with me, to be free of any restrictions... most of the time. Token however was uptight and tried too hard. I needed to pick myself up from this gigantic hole that I had dug myself, but it seems I had left you in an even worse position. The man I loved had changed, your hard heart finally showing the wounds of past heart breaks.

It was all over the "grapevine", you isolating yourself from your friends and becoming part of the Goth kids. I would see you once in a while after school, cigarette in hand, your black hair matching perfectly with your broken spirit. I would always look away quickly and give a small smile to Token, who walked me home from school. Over the next few days, I would try to go through the school days and ignore the fact that you were suffering. But with all the glares I would get in the hallways from Kyle or Kenny or sometimes even Cartman, how could I?

My hole of decisions only grew bigger with every passing day as I continued to ignore the problem, while your's slowly filled up as you started to build yourself back up again. My hopes grew every time I saw your face sporting a recovering smile. I expected you to come back, to push Token out of the way, to be mine again. I waited for my knight to climb the castle and free me. But no such fairy tales exist. My supposed knight in shining armor left for a different castle, a different princess. It was then I first experienced what you must've felt every single time I put you through this. Heart break.

It's subtle at first, like a small itch on your arm. You ignore it in the beginning in hopes that it goes away, but then you take the bait and scratch it. And as you scratch at it, it grows bigger and bigger, demanding you to notice it. And you do. And that's when it really hit me. How you're no longer in my arms, how things will never go back to the way it was. I demolished it with my weird obsession of loving how you crawled back, how you needed me. But now.. you don't. You've moved on, while I'm stuck in my past full of mistakes.

Stan, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. I was stupid. I was a selfish little bitch. I don't care what you call me behind my back, how you probably hate me now. I would too. I just hope that we could still be friends, or at least on speaking terms. I miss you. Your bubbly attitude, your morality, one of the only boys in this whole town who actually cares what girls have to say. I don't know what was wrong with me, pushing the perfect man away, again and again. I guess I never expected you to actually leave. I was stuck in my own little reality, a loop, that I thought would go on and on and on.

I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. You deserve a lot better than slut like me, and I hope you do find someone else. I really do.

-Best of luck, Wendy Testaburger.

* * *

**I don't know what to say. Sorry for it being short? I know there's a lot of "Letter" romance fanfics, so I give credit to the people who thought of this fantastic idea. There will be a second chapter to this, sort of a Stan reaction to this. Hope you enjoyed. **


End file.
